1| “I hope you choke” candy dish |2| “My holiday wish is for you to be slightly less successful than me” letterpress stationary |3| Cards Against Humanity |4| Sarcastic Magic 8 Ball |5| Fuck off ring |6| “Did you wash your hands” soap dispenser |7| Demeter Sushi scented body spray |8| Thug Kitchen cookbook |9| Brilliant Ideas I had while Stoned notebook |10| D-Bag Magnetic Poetry |11|Buy Me Brunch “Surprise I’m Drunk” tee |12| Guilt Trips & Mind Games How-to Guide
I thought I was done with this year’s gift guides, but then my friend Abby reminded me that there was one group I’d forgotten about.
And you probably have, too.
It’s your asshole friend. Now I’m not talking about actual assholes, like your awful boss or your boyfriend’s intolerable mother (in both cases, a Starbucks giftcard should suffice.) I’m talking about endearing assholes, like your college friend who showed up to your baby naming drunk, or your favorite blogger who is constantly getting blocked by reality stars by mocking them on social media.
This final gift guide is for that one totally, socially inappropriate person on your list. Each of these items were lovingly handpicked by someone who knows exactly what an asshole likes.
And before you try to tell me that you don’t have an asshole in your life, just hold that thought. Because everyone has an asshole in their life. So, if you’re racking your brain, and you can’t figure out who it is, then surprise! It’s you!
Merry Christmas, asshole.
In case you’re wondering, Abby Draper is my asshole and she helped me put together this very funny list of gifts. So follow her on Twitter and read her blog because it’s better to have an asshole in your timeline than at your dinner table.
See all the Possessionista Gift Guides