Bachelor Fashion: Juan Pablo episode 2

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Lucy, 24, Free Spirit. Not here for Juan Pablo. Not here to be featured on Possessionista for her Bachelor Fashion

This week on the Bachelor, my frontrunner Clare (DON’T SHOW HIM THE VIDEO) got the first one-on-one date with Juan Pablo. The date had snow and ice, and so I guess the theme was “last week in Chicago,” which doesn’t seem very romantic to me. But anyway, Clare gets the rose. You go Glenn Coco.

Kat goes on the second one-on-one with Juan Pablo which is actually a rave disguised as a 5k. You would think the worst part about this date is that they have to run, but the worst part is that they have to wear terry cloth Juicy Couture tracksuits that have been customized with glow sticks as trim. So, basically, they both look like athletic, anime characters. Worst first date ever.

kellyThen comes the group date, which starts with a sexy dog photoshoot. Look, that’s how they described it. A sexy, dog photoshoot. You know, I have a dog. I love dogs. But when you start thinking dogs are sexy YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. There are all these costumes, like a fire hydrant and a fancy lady and a couple of the girls are asked to go naked except for a sign and here’s what I want to say to all my single readers:

If you meet a guy and he takes you on a “date” in a storage unit and there’s a “photographer” and he asks you take off your clothes in front of a lot of people, that is not a date. That is a porno and you should leave. Immediately.

Elise, who apparently shops solely at the Liberace for JC Penney collection insists she’s a role model and refuses to take off her clothes. She ends up dressed like a fire hydrant because, I guess, in the world of role models being peed on by a dog is better than being naked. Which, I guess makes sense. But if you really want to be a role model, maybe don’t date a guy with 26 other girlfriends on national television.

Know what I mean?

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Victoria demonstrates how to perform the Hymen Maneuver

Victoria is my new favorite bachelorette. Not of the season. Of all time. Because Victoria doesn’t just get drunk. She gets the kind of drunk where you insist you’re not drunk and you swear you’ve only had one glass (bottle) of wine. She gets the kind of drunk where you start making up words and insisting that everyone else is wrong. She gets the kind of drunk where you start wiping your own face hoping to wipe the drunk off. She gets the kind of drunk where you reassure strangers that you’re just this fun sober right before you start crying on the bathroom floor.

Girl, I’ve been there.

Victoria is excused early, but not before revealing the secret of life: “straddling people. And stuff.”

Don’t fret for Victoria. Even if she doesn’t have her job as a legal assistant, I suspect she’ll be a very successful future as a lifeguard,  given her expertise in performing the Hymen Maneuver.

Speaking of people with career aspirations, local news reporter Amy  came on the Bachelor to find love and beef up her reel. During her one-on-one time, the aspiring Katie Couric hosted an mock interview of Juan Pablo that showed just what an amateur she is. Seriously,

Amy, every professional reporter knows if you want to be taken seriously you do your fake interviews with a hairbrush.

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I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Lucy, 24, Free Spirit spent a good portion of the episode naked. The self-appointed hippie found herself wandering the streets naked and barefoot like Daryl Hannah in Splash. It’s an unwritten rule on the Bachelor that you can share boyfriends but not clothing. But this episode, Lucy lent clothing to several of the women vying for Juan Pablo’s attention, which may explain why Lucy looked like Wilma Flintstone at the Rose Ceremony.

It’s clear Lucy isn’t here for Juan Pablo.

And judging by her apathy towards wearing clothes, she’s not here to be featured on Possessionista for her Bachelor fashion.

Which means that for the first time in Bachelor history, someone did come here to make friends.

Most. Dramatic. Bachelor. Ever.

Looking for clothes from past episodes of the Bachelor?

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Christy’s leather dress

Mason via Lucy Aragon

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Clare’s strapless lace dress

Vintage Dolce & Gabbana (Lucy Aragon’s)

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Sharleen’s drape front dress

Haute Hippie

Sharleen’s earrings: Jessica Matrasko

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Andi’s pleated, pink dress

Parker

christy-redChristie's ruffled, red dress

Christie’s ruffle, red dress

BCBG

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Lucy’s beaded mini dress

Parker

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Kat’s geometric, color top

Show Me your Mumu

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Clare’s shearling leather jacket

IRO via Lucy Aragon

Many of you have been asking about Clare’s bar necklace. She bought it on Etsy, but can’t remember which store. Check out some of these options

Comments

  1. Any idea where Andi’s taupe color booties are from? :)

  2. Anonymous says:

    Where did Clare get the long necklace she was wearing?? Thanks Dana!

  3. If you meet a guy and he takes you on a “date” in a storage unit and there’s a “photographer” and he asks you take off your clothes in front of a lot of people, that is not a date. That is a porno and you should leave. Immediately.

    *voiding*

  4. I second the quest for Andi’s taupe booties!

  5. Not sure of the girls name, some of them look identical! but I love the girls neon yellow bikini top. Do you know where it’s from?

  6. If I had a penny for every time I was drunk and tried to convince people otherwise I’d be a very, very, very rich woman. I love me some wine.

  7. Seriously LOVE your commentary.

  8. Yes! Andy’s bikini!

  9. What about Nikki’s dress from the night part of the group date?

  10. The former basketball cheerleader had on great earrings when she started panicking about her son that she left in LA, and I also liked the green dress that that Florida anchor was wearing – any idea where those were from?

    Thanks!

    • I agree, Cassondra’s line drop jeweled earrings when she misses her son Trey and Juan Pablo convinces her it’s ok to be uncertain because she isn’t even certain about him.

  11. Yay for Clare! She’s my front runner too, and not just because she’s my hairdresser! Love her and was stoked to hear she was on Bachelor!! Love all of her fashion so far. She never looks bad though! :)

  12. this is the best commentary I have ever read!! Victoria is the reason we tune in season after season – people like her make the show worthwhile!! :) Just recently found your blog and so happy I did!

  13. I third the booties!

  14. Any word on Nikki’s blue floral cardigan all over google? I must have !

  15. All Clare has to do is look up on her etsy profile to see where the necklace is from! It keeps track of where you’ve bought everything.

  16. Does anyone know what sweater Clare was wearing over the red bikini?

  17. Anyone know who makes Clare’s sweater that she wore over her red bikini?

  18. Where did Clare get her black lace slip dress she wore for the rose ceremony?!?! I absolutely am in love with it! It is a really sexy mix of flirty sexy with the lace trim bust but classy with it being cut off right below the knee! Oh and I am totally rooting for Clare as well! She is so pretty but real! Plus I obviously love her style:)

  19. Can you ID Andi’s taupe booties please!!!

  20. HI Dana, I’ve been reading your bachelor articles for a while and I’m so thankful for your help in finding some cute clothes the girls wear. I’m watching episode 3 right now and I’m wondering where to get the shirt Jaun Pablo is wearing on the water date with Cassaandra. I know you mostly help us find women’s clothing, but my guy would look great in that shirt!

    Thanks, Kimberly :-)

  21. Also interested in the green off shoulder dress worn by the FA anchor (Amy L?) Anyone have an idea on this one? It was stunning.

  22. What does Clare’s necklace say?

    • Dana, I’m wondering the same thing. I found the shop on etsy claiming to be the seller of the famous Clare *Bear* Bar necklace. Simply go to etsy and type in “bar necklace the bachelor.” But still curious what hers says?

  23. Any ideas on Amy L.’s rose ceremony dress? It was short, Kelly green.. I loved it!

  24. Any idea on Sharlene’s drop earrings on the date tonight?

  25. Yes, any clue as to where Sharlene got the drop earrings she wore on her 1 on 1 date in Seoul? They looked like they were chain with rhinestones or crystals on the ends. So cute!!

  26. Does anyone know what the brand or how to get the red sweatshirt Nikki had on in the last episode in South Korea? It had the cat on it with the yellow hoodie and cat ears. She had it on during the mall performance with the South Korean music group.

    Thanks

  27. Can anyone tell me what brand Cassandra’s black leather coat is on the latest episode of the Bachelor? Love it!

  28. Anyone know the brand of the jacket Andi wore in the New Zealand episode?

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