I’ve been waiting for the perfect opportunity to talk about The Bachelor, because I love it so much that I would hate to do it a disservice by simply mentioning it in passing.
I think The Bachelor is the most underrated show on television.
How brilliant is it that there is a television show where a woman not only knows that her “boyfriend” is dating 25 other women, but she lives with all the other women? It’s like he’s dating an entire sorority!
And then, if that’s not humiliating enough, one by one the girls get kicked out of the sorority, leaving only the “winner” whose prize is to marry the guy that all her friends have already dated?
Okay, in my sorority, that girl was called an idiot.
This season is no exception. My favorite is Jillian, because I love everything Canadian: Roots, Barenaked Ladies, Lainey, and Niagara Falls -But just the Canadian side. She’s smart. And down-to-earth.
And a goner.
Next we have Molly, who is a dead-ringer for Tracy Flick in Election. Molly is that girl that knows every answer in class and shouts “ooh! ooh!” while raising her hand and flailing her arm about. She plays golf. And can throw a football. And she looks good in a bikini.
Molly’s dad thinks she’s a winner.
Molly’s dad is wrong.
I think – and the crazy Bachelor bloggers agree – that Melissa is the winner. She’s the dark horse. She’s not the obvious choice. She looks like Deanna. Plus she’s a cheerleader.
You’re all nodding in agreement, right?
Anyway, I actually like all three final bachelorettes, but my nominee for greatest bachelorette of all time is Shayne Lamas, the ultimate Possessionista.
For starters, she’s Lorenzo Lamas’ daughter. You may know him from Renegade. Or Falcon Crest. But what I know him from is the guy with the laser pointer on “Are You Hot?” A show so offensive that it didn’t even make it through one season – much to my dismay.
Anyhow, Shayne is my absolute favorite Bachelorette. She loves all the most important things: shoes, and purses and spray tans. And for 6 weeks, I coveted Shayne’s $15,000 ceramic Chanel watch.
And when it was all over, and Shayne and Matt Grant had their happily ever after for the short period mandated by their ABC contract, I scoured the universe for a similar white watch.
So today, I ask you, will you accept this rose? Er, watch?